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FICTION - rumour of a new boy in the villa immediately dismissed as fake news by Love Island fans because his ab count was a little on the low side
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DOCTOR, DOCTOR - ’In a world of players like Adam, be an Alex. I’m obsessed! I just love Alex! I almost don’t want anyone to pick him because I don’t think they’re worthy’ (Myleene Klass)
Myleene Klass Twitter
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BANDANA BOYS - ’hors de combat’ declaration by Niall occasioned a recoupling in which bandanas featured strongly : Josh went for the front knot option (1:12) whilst Adam favoured a more traditional look (3:53)
Love Island YouTube
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BEN STILLER BANDANA - LoveIslander can’t decide which Ben Stiller bandana look Adam is channelling : is it Tugg Speedman (at 0:23 in Tropic Thunder)...
Tropic Thunder YouTube
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...or is Paul Pogba the key influencer here (at 0:15 in the Wish Shopping ad)? Whatevs, Adam has his finger firmly on the fashion pulse!
Wish Shopping YouTube
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SWIMFLUENCERS - ’Call it a backlash to all those neon thongs on Love Island or blame Kim Kardashian for posting one too many gratuitous bikini selfies but we have arrived at a pivotal moment in the world of swimwear: a summer where the new status one-piece is, above anything else, a symbol of your style credentials’ (Caroline Leaper, The Telegraph)
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PEAK BIKINI - message about ’bikini backlash’ has not yet reached Love Island : check out ’Bikini Balcony’ moment at 1:35 on the vid while LoveIslander puts in a call to Kim’s people for a second opinion on ’peak bikini’ situation
Love Island YouTube
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KKW SAYS ’COPY THAT’ - LoveIslander can’t get thru to Kim Kardashian West right now however it looks like she’s heard the news about peak bikini but has yet to pivot into a one-piece : she must be in what fashion experts call a ’transitional phase’, obvs
Kim kardashian
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ADIOS NIALL - say goodbye because Niall has left the building for’personal reasons’ : LoveIslander checking archives to see if anyone else has ever quit
Niall Aslam Instagram
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EX FILES - Laura Anderson, 29, (age now verified by Daily Mail after trolls unkindly suggested she was older) and described as ‘Our Mile-High Minx’ used to go out with...
Love Island YouTube
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...former pro rugby player Max Evans (34) who dumped her for American actress Katie Johnson (they married in 2014 but split two years later) and who was a finalist in Dancing on Ice 2018 unlike...
Dancing On Ice YouTube
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...his younger taller brother Thom Evans (33) also a former pro rugby player now model / actor who appeared on Strictly 12 and who used to go out with...
Thom Evans Instagram
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...Kelly Brook who has absolutely no connection to Wes Nelson, 20, who has ’dated people who are Instagram famous but no actual celebrities’ who is coupled up with older woman Laura Anderson. However the Evans bros are cousins of DJ Chris Evans who...
Love Island YouTube
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...LoveIslander now too exhausted to make further connections so here’s a pic of Wes ’No Actual Celebrities’ Nelson and Adam ’No Actual Nickname’ Collard in a Love Island abs off, and the winner is...
Wes Nelson Instagram
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BLAME IT ON THE ISLAND - ’Where did all the hairy chests go? I blame Love Island. Six men in trunks and not a wisp between them...blokes down the pub are shaving their chests as habitually as women do their legs. We must look to Ross Poldark...’ (Carol Midgley, The Times)
POLDARKED YouTube
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HIP EYAL - Eyal personal brand developing nicely as evidenced by this from DJ Grimmy : ’Listen, not to sound full hippy like Eyal from Love Island, but me and Fifi follow this thing on Instagram and it tells you about the moon’ (Nick Grimshaw, The Sun). Fifi is Grimmy’s producer btw, in case you were wondering
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BARD ISLAND – ‘I see parallels with Shakespeare…the whole premise of the show reminds me of a Shakespeare play…(Dr Sally Bayley on Love Island in Daily Mail)
Dr Sally Bayley
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TELL US MORE, DR SALLY - ’... it’s similar to the messy romance Troilus and Cressida...In the play all the courtship is done by the go-between figure...On Love Island, the go-between is the prying TV camera as well as the other contestants…
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THAT’S DEEP! (AS EYAL WOULD SAY) - …Flirtation becomes a consumer sport. Everyone gets involved with the ludicrous language games played by these silly infants competing for sexual attention…
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LIKE, WOW! - … Indeed, the language they use is childish… The contestants are kids who seem to want a Marvel comic-book version of a partner…’
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WHAT’S IN A NAME? ’That which we call a rose
by any other word would smell as sweet’ (Shakespeare, ’Romeo and Juliet’)
24/7 News YouTube
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WHATSHISNAME - Hayley often can’t remember let alone pronounce the name of the boy she’s coupled with (it’s Eyal, btw) so LoveIslander respectfully suggests...
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MY FAIR HAYLEY - Call him ’Al’...Like Al...Now say your name followed by ’Al’...Like Hayl-ee Al...That’s it, well done, now drop the ’Hayl’ bit and you’re left with?.. Like hyphen ee Al...Almost, forget the hyphen and the ’like’...ee Al...What was that?...eeAl...Again...eeal...I think she’s got it!..eyal...By George she’s got it. Now once again, what’s his name?.. Eyal, Eyal
My Fair Lady YouTube
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MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING - Shakepeare play deals with love, rejection, fidelity : ’Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
Men were deceivers ever, One foot in sea and one on shore, To one thing constant never’. Love Island love rat Adam dumps Kendall for Rosie...
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...interesting that ’nothing’ was Elizabethan slang for ’vagina’ and ’noting’, which sounded similar to ’nothing’, meant ’gossip, rumour and overhearing’
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GAME COUPLE - This is Hayley. She’s dismayed that ’partner’ Eyal sees Love Island as a game. LoveIslander fears semantic misunderstanding could trigger a ’conscious uncoupling’ in the style of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin!
Love Island YouTube
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GAME BOY - This is Eyal, bearded amateur philosopher / professional model. Eyal : ’It’s mad. This is a game’ Hayley : ‘Is it a game? I thought you didn’t have a game plan?’ Eyal : ‘I don’t have a game plan but this whole thing is made to be a game’ Hayley : ‘It’s not a game, it’s only a game if you want it to be a game’ Eyal : ‘This is a game’
Love Island YouTube
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CALM DOWN – chill, Hayley, he’s only referencing Shakespeare. ’The game’s afoot’ from Henry V, seeing as you ask…
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