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...The women decided to give peevish Dr Alex another chance. God knows why. Alex is living proof that on this show nice guys finish last...
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...Nice girls don’t fare much better but Dani Dyer is a sweetheart. Let’s hope her relationship with Jack survives the producers’ cynical deployment of his ex-girlfriend Ellie’
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BIT ADDICT - ’I’m a bit addicted to Love Island. It’s just such good, easy telly’ (Zoe Ball, Daily Star)
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DOING BITS - ’having sexual relations with somebody up until the point of sexual intercourse’, hence the Do Bits Society
UD Doing Bits
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LI FANBOYS - Ed Sheeran + Robbie Williams msg ’We just watched the Belgium England game and now we are watching Love island. Life is about balance’
Ed Sheeran Instagram
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SUPERFAN - Paris Hilton tweet ’Jack and Dani are goals’. Paris means that their relationship is something to be aspired to - no, LoveIslander did not ’just look it up on Urban Dictionary’
UD goals
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VILLA BODY - Paris on a beach in training for Love Island villa : bikini - check, phone - check, body - check, hiimau msg ’Body is banging!!!’
Paris Hilton Instagram
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CW SAYS - ’Alex - a posh, ham-faced doctor - has an entitled shrill man-baby peevishnessthat not a single woman on the show fancies him and has basically scolded one woman for this, as if she has somehow abdicated her sexual duty...
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...Adam , meanwhile, is of such a cliched buff hotness that it’s oddly unpleasant to look at him - he looks as though he has weaponised every inch of his body to cause maximum emotional damage...
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...That smirk! If you see a man smirk like that leave immediately by the nearest exit - for you are dealing with a human trash-fire’ (Caitlin Moran, aka Celebrity Watch, aka CW in The Times). Bit harsh, CW?
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PROBLEMS – new arrivals named Ellie, Jack and Alex could cause confusion : Stylista suggests use of OG (street slang, btw) meaning ‘original’ to distinguish incumbents from newbies
Urban Dictionary
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...Josh, who went with ’six absolute rockets!’ whilst...
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DIRTY DOZEN - soz, make that flirty dozen : two elite quads skilled in the art of ’turning heads’ are on the way with instructions to disrupt the status quo. The boys will be moved into Casa Amor to do battle with six of the UK’s best fembots for the very soul of Love Island...
Radio Times YouTube
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…and there could be a light entertainment / soap / reality TV geezer dynasty to rival the Redgrave / Richardson / Fox acting dynasty!
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...’The arrival of a government adviser on ITV’s Love Island this week highlighted how much Westminster has in common with the sex-soaked reality TV competition...
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...has been auditioning for Love Island 2019 with some of his England teammates : how else to explain the abs, pool, unicorn pool floats?
England Instagram
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CASA AMOR - the boys 007ed it out of the villa to Casa Amor (aka ’Shag Shack’) which was later invaded by six new chicks : OG Jack OMGed four times before offering ’I’m in trouble’ by way of explanation, leaving the old school slang to...
Love Island YouTube
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...OG Alex, overthinking as usual, managed ’what the hell is going on?’ : he’s gonna have to get street to understand newbie Ellie with stuff like ’ my lady balls’
Love Island YouTube
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...and their berths in the villa taken by six top players intent on seducing the girls : this is serious, we’re talking heat-seeking love missiles here (N.B. classic Sigue Sigue Sputnik lyrics ’Designed to provoke an emotional response’)
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ALL CHANGE - Love Island stunned by viewer vote on popularity of couples, not individuals! Top 4 couples Jani, 2Sam, Jogia and Waura were safe but A-Z, A & E and Eymeg were not. Concentrate now cos this gets complicated...
Love Island YouTube
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...top 4 boys (Jack, Sam, Josh, Wes) had to choose 1 girl from Zara, Ellie and Megan to be kicked out of the villa and...
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...top 4 girls (Dani, Samira, Georgia, Laura) had to select 1 boy from Adam, Alex and Eyal for exile...
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...and the losers were...Zara and Eyal...
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THREE TRIBES - ’Love Island, on ITV2, has divided Britain into three tribes. First, there are the people who admit they watch it. Then, there are the people who pretend they don’t watch it. Finally, there are the people who genuinely don’t watch it, but will eventually watch just one to find out, whereupon they will leave this tribe and join one of the first two’ (Hugo Rifkind, The Times)
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NOSOS - LoveIslander has come up with a new word specifically for LI contestants. Remember Asos used to mean ’As Seen On Screen’? Well, NOSOS means ’No Sex On Screen’ and could be a winning strategy for a couple prepared to put it into practice! Think about it, Jani!
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DANI SAYS ’YES’ TO ‘JANI’ - Dani accepted Jack’s ’proposal’ so the couple are now officially a boyf and girlfriend supercouple with the celeb single name ’Jani’ like ’Brangelina’ and ’Bennifer’. Hold on, those didn’t end well. Better drop the ’Jani’!
Love Island YouTube
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GO-TO GEEZER - the late Mike Reid was the go-to professional Cockney geezer (’Frank Butcher’ in EastEnders) before Danny Dyer (’Mick Carter’ in EastEnders) took over the mantle. Born in Canning Town, Danny now lives in Essex…
slackbacker24 YouTube
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… but who is the go-to pro Essex geezer? Exactly! There’s a gap in the market ready to be exploited by Jack even if he and Dani don’t win LI . They are favourites but LoveIslander reckons a NOSOS strategy would put it beyond doubt…
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…and imagine if Jack married Dani then her ‘Peter Pan’ (Cockney Rhyming Slang = ‘old man’ = father) Danny would be Jack’s father-in-law…
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