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… but who is the go-to pro Essex geezer? Exactly! There’s a gap in the market ready to be exploited by Jack even if he and Dani don’t win LI . They are favourites but LoveIslander reckons a NOSOS strategy would put it beyond doubt…
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…and imagine if Jack married Dani then her ‘Peter Pan’ (Cockney Rhyming Slang = ‘old man’ = father) Danny would be Jack’s father-in-law…
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WESTMINSTER ISLAND - ’Good luck to Zara McDermott, a 21-year-old aide at the Department for Education. Life in SW1 is the best preparation she could have for surviving life in the villa...Westminster prepares you for life on Love Island’ (Lucy Fisher, The Times)
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GOOD POINTS - Lucy Fisher opinions so instructive that LoveIslander is going to list them all...
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…Both are essentially psychodramas based on fast-changing alliances and betrayals...
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...Both demand that people who loathe each other will nevertheless team up in order to stay in the game...
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…Simpering is required in both arenas to win over the public, but regardless of performance, voters will complain about the protagonists’ lack of moral compass…
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…Finally, in each world, the lead characters always come to realise that splits are damaging and that all careers – whether in politics or opening nightclubs – end in a vale of tears’
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IT’S BACK! - Shipwrecked is Love Island without the beautiful people and nice swimwear and it’s back so...
Shipwrecked
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...if you want to be on Love Island but don’t make the cut in the looks department apply for Shipwrecked as ’You’ll make friends, memories, and possibly a bucket load of cash… All while you tan to perfection! We’re looking for people who are totally EXTRA...’
Shipwrecked Audition
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...but he does have a haircut like that of England and Man U footballer Jesse Lingard who...
Jesse Lingard Instagram
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UNCOUPLING – Adam and Rosie uncouple but it’s not a ‘conscious uncoupling’ like that of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, ‘a proven process for lovingly completing a relationship that will leave you feeling whole and healed and at peace’ (Katherine Woodward Thomas, psychotherapist and author)
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THE NODDING GAME - Rosie ’It’s just like a big game to you’ : Adam ’Don’t ****ing nod at me’
Love Island YouTube
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MEET JACK - ’I’m Jack...literally I’ve got every single pen that you can think of’
Love Island YouTube
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SELL ME THIS PEN! - Jack Fincham now the highest-profile pen salesman on the planet since...er...The Wolf of Wall Street!
luiz 522 YouTube
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ESSEX ISLAND - Essex diaspora on Love Island swollen by arrival of civil servant Zara McDermott : the government adviser / former model is described by her mother as ’very academic’ and ’passionate about making a difference’
Radio Times YouTube
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CAREER MOVE - Zara McDermott on unpaid career break from her job at the Department for Education : the civil service code says workers must show integrity and professionalism while away from government or risk dismissal
UK News YouTube
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BRO CODE - similar to the Civil Service Code, the Bro Code is a set of rules for bros : 1) bros before hoes 2) thou shalt not sleep with your bro’s ex-girlfriend etc etc
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HOE CODE - unwritten but immutable rules for Love Island females : 1) profess attraction to Dr ’Unlucky In Love’ Alex 2) fancy Adam 3) couple up with Adam 4) get dumped by Adam 5) end of
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LOVE ISLAND LEXICON – early doors, Jack helpfully pointed out to Love Island viewers that ’Jack and Dani’ is a homonym for ’Jack and Danny’ which is Cockney Rhyming Slang for ’fanny’
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EARLY DOORS? – ‘early doors’ is a term favoured by footballers to mean ‘early in the game’ but is also Rhyming Slang for ‘drawers’ which in turn is slang for ‘long underpants’
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CRS - Dani’s dad is Danny Dyer, an expert in Cockney Rhyming Slang
who has admitted he likes to come up with neologisms in the genre which is exciting news for keen etymologists like Susie Dent off ’Countdown’
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DANNY **** - in CRS Danny Glover = ’lover’, Danny Marr = ’car’, Danny La Rue = ’clue’ : now try your own CRS neologisms for ’Danny Dyer’…
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...go on, give it a go, it’s easier than you think : liar, friar, deep fat fryer, flyer, town crier etc etc
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TEQUILA LOVE - they could be twins : Jack does Danny Dyer impression to widespread acclaim...
John Jasmin youTube
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...as Tommy Johnson in a scene from The Football Factory : ’All right, sweetheart? You all right, girl, yeah?...Do you want a drink? A few tequilas? A couple of little cheeky tequilas, yeah? Shall we get on it?...Tequilas. Get these two birds here a couple of tequilas. I’m gonna smash the fuckin’ granny out of that’
Tequila Love YouTube
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DADDY DYER DROPS IN - Fathers’ Day msg from Danny Dyer ; ’On me way to have a couple of cheeky tequilas with some slice of a geezer called Jack’
Danny Dyer Instagram
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YOU WHAT? - Danny Dyer introduced viewers to the word ’slice’ some years ago playing Mick Carter in EastEnders ; ’...in cockney rhyming slang it means you are not all with it’
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FLY ME - Danny Dyer ’as got form when it comes to flying : da geezer’s well into UFOs, in’t ’e?
That is Jokes YouTube
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