DIRTY DOZEN - soz, make that flirty dozen : two elite quads skilled in the art of ’turning heads’ are on the way with instructions to disrupt the status quo. The boys will be moved into Casa Amor to do battle with six of the UK’s best fembots for the very soul of Love Island...
Radio Times YouTube
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…and there could be a light entertainment / soap / reality TV geezer dynasty to rival the Redgrave / Richardson / Fox acting dynasty!
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...’The arrival of a government adviser on ITV’s Love Island this week highlighted how much Westminster has in common with the sex-soaked reality TV competition...
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...has been auditioning for Love Island 2019 with some of his England teammates : how else to explain the abs, pool, unicorn pool floats?
England Instagram
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CASA AMOR - the boys 007ed it out of the villa to Casa Amor (aka ’Shag Shack’) which was later invaded by six new chicks : OG Jack OMGed four times before offering ’I’m in trouble’ by way of explanation, leaving the old school slang to...
Love Island YouTube
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...OG Alex, overthinking as usual, managed ’what the hell is going on?’ : he’s gonna have to get street to understand newbie Ellie with stuff like ’ my lady balls’
Love Island YouTube
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...and their berths in the villa taken by six top players intent on seducing the girls : this is serious, we’re talking heat-seeking love missiles here (N.B. classic Sigue Sigue Sputnik lyrics ’Designed to provoke an emotional response’)
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ALL CHANGE - Love Island stunned by viewer vote on popularity of couples, not individuals! Top 4 couples Jani, 2Sam, Jogia and Waura were safe but A-Z, A & E and Eymeg were not. Concentrate now cos this gets complicated...
Love Island YouTube
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...top 4 boys (Jack, Sam, Josh, Wes) had to choose 1 girl from Zara, Ellie and Megan to be kicked out of the villa and...
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...top 4 girls (Dani, Samira, Georgia, Laura) had to select 1 boy from Adam, Alex and Eyal for exile...
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...and the losers were...Zara and Eyal...
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THREE TRIBES - ’Love Island, on ITV2, has divided Britain into three tribes. First, there are the people who admit they watch it. Then, there are the people who pretend they don’t watch it. Finally, there are the people who genuinely don’t watch it, but will eventually watch just one to find out, whereupon they will leave this tribe and join one of the first two’ (Hugo Rifkind, The Times)
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NOSOS - LoveIslander has come up with a new word specifically for LI contestants. Remember Asos used to mean ’As Seen On Screen’? Well, NOSOS means ’No Sex On Screen’ and could be a winning strategy for a couple prepared to put it into practice! Think about it, Jani!
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DANI SAYS ’YES’ TO ‘JANI’ - Dani accepted Jack’s ’proposal’ so the couple are now officially a boyf and girlfriend supercouple with the celeb single name ’Jani’ like ’Brangelina’ and ’Bennifer’. Hold on, those didn’t end well. Better drop the ’Jani’!
Love Island YouTube
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GO-TO GEEZER - the late Mike Reid was the go-to professional Cockney geezer (’Frank Butcher’ in EastEnders) before Danny Dyer (’Mick Carter’ in EastEnders) took over the mantle. Born in Canning Town, Danny now lives in Essex…
slackbacker24 YouTube
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… but who is the go-to pro Essex geezer? Exactly! There’s a gap in the market ready to be exploited by Jack even if he and Dani don’t win LI . They are favourites but LoveIslander reckons a NOSOS strategy would put it beyond doubt…
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…and imagine if Jack married Dani then her ‘Peter Pan’ (Cockney Rhyming Slang = ‘old man’ = father) Danny would be Jack’s father-in-law…
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WESTMINSTER ISLAND - ’Good luck to Zara McDermott, a 21-year-old aide at the Department for Education. Life in SW1 is the best preparation she could have for surviving life in the villa...Westminster prepares you for life on Love Island’ (Lucy Fisher, The Times)
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GOOD POINTS - Lucy Fisher opinions so instructive that LoveIslander is going to list them all...
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…Both are essentially psychodramas based on fast-changing alliances and betrayals...
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...Both demand that people who loathe each other will nevertheless team up in order to stay in the game...
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…Simpering is required in both arenas to win over the public, but regardless of performance, voters will complain about the protagonists’ lack of moral compass…
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…Finally, in each world, the lead characters always come to realise that splits are damaging and that all careers – whether in politics or opening nightclubs – end in a vale of tears’
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IT’S BACK! - Shipwrecked is Love Island without the beautiful people and nice swimwear and it’s back so...
Shipwrecked
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...if you want to be on Love Island but don’t make the cut in the looks department apply for Shipwrecked as ’You’ll make friends, memories, and possibly a bucket load of cash… All while you tan to perfection! We’re looking for people who are totally EXTRA...’
Shipwrecked Audition
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...but he does have a haircut like that of England and Man U footballer Jesse Lingard who...
Jesse Lingard Instagram
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UNCOUPLING – Adam and Rosie uncouple but it’s not a ‘conscious uncoupling’ like that of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, ‘a proven process for lovingly completing a relationship that will leave you feeling whole and healed and at peace’ (Katherine Woodward Thomas, psychotherapist and author)
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THE NODDING GAME - Rosie ’It’s just like a big game to you’ : Adam ’Don’t ****ing nod at me’
Love Island YouTube
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MEET JACK - ’I’m Jack...literally I’ve got every single pen that you can think of’
Love Island YouTube
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