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...now check out the thumbnail above which shows Adam comforting the soon-to-be-departed Zara and...
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...Dr ’Unlucky In Love’ Alex in the background scratching his head in disbelief as he realises that 1) against all the odds he’s still in the game 2) potty mouth Laura is his only option (because he has already split from Ellie - remember A & E?) but she will eat him alive 3) his couple name should be Alaura but Laura will insist on coming first so she’ll change it to LaurAl then drop the ’l’ to make LaurA
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4 LETTERS - Laura’s fave four-letter word is ’love’ but ’hell’, ’fury’ and ’rage’ could feature in her vocab now that she and Wes are ’over’: ’Hell hath no fury like a woman pied’ (William Congreve). Srry, pls delete ’pied’, should be ’scorned’...
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...add ’slag’ to the list, as well as the f-bomb as in ’You’ve done me a favour, now **** off’. Are we in the bunny boiler zone?
Love Island YouTube
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00ADAM - Adam ’**** That’ Collard has a favourite four-letter word as well and it’s...’Adam’.Egotistical, tall, dark and handsome with a licence to smirk and dubious attitude towards women, he’s perfect as the next Bond. Check out the casino scene (at 1:08) from Dr No. Agree with LoveIslander?
Dr No YouTube
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I HATE THAT – ‘smirking is just not good’ says wholesome Holly Willoughby…unless you’re Bond, that is
This Morning YouTube
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ADAM FOR BOND - ’Adam is oh-oh heaven’ : Heather J msg to Daily Star ’People might be calling adam in love island a snake but he’s a damn sexy snake. He would make a great james bond one day’
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BOND GIRLS - there are lots of Bond Girls but even more Adam Girls and one of them is rumoured to be making a personal appearance in the Love Island villa : check out ex Claudia Proctor in bikini with big bush
Claudia Proctor Instagram
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EXTRAS - exes arriving on LI said to include Kent girl Ellie Jones on mission to break up Jani amidst reports she had been dating Jack just days before he entered the villa : suhaxox msg ’I’m begging you don’t break up everyone’s favourite couple thanks’
Ellie Jones Instagram
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WHO’S THE DADDY? - Danny Dyer msg threatens to trash Jack’s gaff if he joins the ’Do Bits Society’ with daughter Dani Dyer : ’Bruce very quickly...lovely...beauuutiful...’
Danny Dyer Instagram
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GAME ON - Love Island is VOed (voiceovered, try to keep up) by Iain Stirling who has an evening job as host of CelebAbility : ’Do a group of 5 mates have what it takes to take on 5 celebrities in the ultimate battle of *ahem* "skills"? Iain Stirling presents the spanking new series of outrageous celebrity game show CelebAbility on ITV2’
ITV2 YouTube
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ONE LINERS - Iain ’One Line’ Stirling is a presenter and stand up comedian who studied law at University of Edinburgh so he should have spotted the grammatical error above : ’Do a group’ should be ’Does a group’ coz ’group’ is singular, innit? Enough Percy Pedanticism because...
This Morning
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...Iain came up with the genius ’A & E’ couple name for Alex and Ellie (Alex is an Accident & Emergency doctor, geddit?)...
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...but A & E has gone tits up so its ’All over and End of’ now, added to which...
Love Island
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... Waura (Wes + Laura) is at war over semantic misunderstandings, a situation complicated by ’Laura and Megan in EXPLOSIVE row as fight for Wes begins’...
BrideSide YouTube
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...after Eyal ’Is There Something Deeper?’ Booker splits from Megan ’No, There’s Something Missing’ Barton Hanson...
Love Island YouTube
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...unlike A-Z (Adam said ’I’m bang into Zara’, so Adam into Zara, Adam to Zara, A to Z, A-Z...LoveIslander is available for VO and PA bookings at the usual fee) which is surprisingly strong given Adam’s MO
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RECOUPLING - three way recoupling involving Wes + Laura, Alex + Ellie and Eyal + Megan gives 6 possible couple names :
Wellie, Wegan, Alaura, Algan, Eyaura and Eyellie
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LADIES FIRST - more couple name permutations if girls go first...work ’em yourself, does Love Islander have to do everything?
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SAME SEX - even more possibilities with same-sex couple names : Walex , Weyal, Mellie, Maura etc, etc...is there anything in the LI contract about same-sex coupling?
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SUMMARY - Jani, Jogia, 2Sam, A-Z are sound but A & E and Eymeg are toast and Waura is on the rocks with Wes about to jump ship for Megan (from Eymeg) to become Wegan
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NEXT - Eyal so hacked off at Megan bolting that his reaction to announcement of ’Snog, Marry, Pie’ game is only FS instead of FFS but...
Snog, Marry, Pie YouTube
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...sensing a chance with Ellie (formerly A & E with Alex) he chats her up with the classic ’I think I’ve had bad luck in here’ line in the hope that playing the sympathy card will lead to an Eyellie situation but his bad luck is about to get even worse and ’in here’ is soon to be ’outta here’
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DIVIDE BY 3 - ’If You Don’t Know Me By Now’ Love island game included a sex scores section but nobody had told the girls about the golden ’rule of three’...correction, just in, they had divided by three, possibly more in some cases
Love Island YouTube
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NUMBERS GAME - Adam ’I’ve Had Em’ Collard came in at 200..ish
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BONKING BACKSTORIES - The Star is on the case : ’Were you one of Dr Alex’s 30 lovers? Contact us on news@dailystar.co.uk’...but is anyone going to own up? There would have to be a substantial incentive to grass oneself up…
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RULE OF THREE - LoveIslander refers you to the fountain of all knowledge that is Urban Dictionary : ’When asking someone about the number of sexual partners they’ve had MULTIPLY a woman’s answer by 3, ’cause ladies don’t wanna seem like the slut. When a man answers DIVIDE his number by 3 because he wants to seem like a player’
Urban Dictionary
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AND YOUR POINT IS? - Deborah Ross deconstructs Love Island in The Times : ’The show, in a nutshell : super-buff twentysomethings with ripped abs and augmented breasts and all the rest hang out on a sunny island where they have to hook up or go home, essentially’. What about the psycho-sexual meta-meanings, Debs? OMG! Have you heard the latest about Samira?
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FALLBACK - Dr Alex’s fallback scenario could be to re-kindle his non-relationship with Samira in a sort of ’coupling of convenience’ for both parties...hold up, Samira’s only gone and quit in order to follow her heart / Frankie. Alex assessing his remaining options
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SHE’S COMING HOME - ’The football isnt coming home but our girl is! Coming out to follow her heart and get her man!’ : missjay180992 msg ’Was frankie waiting ????’
Samira Mighty Instagram
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